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Grow Old With Me—Is the Best Yet to Be?
RICHMOND, VA. I was one of the speakers here recently at a Symposium on Boomer Engagement. The speaker who followed me was Dr. E. Ayn Welleford, a gerontologist who asked a provocative question:
“What kind of an older person do you want to be?”
The reason it was provocative is here we were talking about high energy, engaged people in their 50s and 60s and she was asking us to think beyond that time and see our 70s, 80s and 90s as places we were aiming for, and the near term as a means of getting there.
How Can I Age Optimally?
“Will I age well?” she asked us to ask ourselves. “How can I age optimally?” I really like the juxtaposition of “optimal” and “aging.” It suggests to me doing the best one can, not measuring oneself against some arbitrary standard.
By your 50s and 60s, Dr. Welleford suggested, it was likely most of us as we age would become “more so.” She wasn’t saying the die is cast, but that the likelihood of some major change in behavior, interests, or world view was not so great.
She also gave us some new language (well, new to me anyway): “midlife evaluation.” It’s a more accurate term, she suggested, than its predecessor, “midlife crisis”—so frenetically depicted in that Bruce Dern movie, Middle Age Crazy." And it used to occur, or so they said, in your 40s.
Gentlemen—and Ladies—Start Your Mulling
But now that many of us are living longer, it does make sense that whatever-it-is that would happen, happens a little later too, and I like the thoughtful tone of "evaluation" instead of the frenzy of "crisis" or "crazy."
I think I could manage that. And I think I am— evaluating— which does seem like an appropriate activity to pursue before tackling the question, “What kind of an elder do I want to be?”
It’s nice that (some of us think) we have a say in the matter.
Am I destined (condemned?) to become "more so?"
What about unrealized dreams?
How do I make what-I-never-did into what-I-have-yet-to-do?
Clearly, the mulling has only just begun.
Oh, I LOVE the mid life evaluation concept!
I appreciate this article and will explore this concept more on my own....as I am completing a three decade career with the same employer and financing my daughter through college at the same time, I found myself absentmindedly referring to my pending retirement as my "graduation" more than once....then I thought, you know, it IS like graduating from work that I needed for financial security and heading into work I will do for my own delight and for the good of others. Looking at this transition as the result of my successful "evaluation" and decision making is giving me a much more secure outlook on all of this! Thank you!
The Best is yet to Come!
It was so very refreshing to read this blog. I am 60 years old and enjoying my life more than ever. I love the term 'midlife evaluation.' I am doing things I never even thought about doing, or did not have the time or self confidence to do before. I midlife evaluations have led to wonderful results. I am enrolled back in school. And, I just found out, when I turn 62, tuition is free. All I will have to pay are the associated fees...I see a doctorate in my future!
After reading the blog, I can say that I am doing the things that I believe will allow me to 'age optimally.' I hike in the North Georgia mountains regularly, I bike ride on the Silver Comet Trail and in my neighborhood, and I work out 3 to 5 times a week. All of this in addition to eating healthy organic foods and being an active volunteer in my church and the community.
My companion it 10 years my junior. In the past I have not been so open to younger men. This is the first time I have really enjoyed the company of a younger man without prejudice...on my part. Let me clear the air and say, we are not intimately involved but have great respect for each other. I am his date for his company and family events. We have similiar interests which leads to great discussions on current events, lifestyle choices and fun activities. We go to the movies, Six Flags amusement park and share many other activities. This relationship has been going on now for 3+ years.
Okay, getting back to, the best is yet to come...in addition to the fun-filled activities I am doing, I even have the nerve to pursue modeling and acting (print ads, spokesperson & commercials) as a new venture. I created my own website at www.carolynhartfield.com, which I am still working on. When I sent my photos out to several agencies, I got my first call the very next day...wow!
Additionally, I have more time to volunteer now and I use my talents to help nonprofit organizations. My expertise is in the integration of Internet strategies into the marketing plan of nonprofits. This is especially important during these challenging economic times when nonprofit organizations are expected to do more with less. The Internet is both efficient and very effective in helping nonprofit organizations.
Based on my profession, as a speaker and trainer I conduct seminars for nonprofit organizations, including churches. And, based on my passion, I speak on the importance of 'health assurance' as we age and how important lifestyle choices are, and it is never too late to make positive lifestyle changes.
Before I close, I am compelled to tell you a brief story. At age 50 I started playing organized basketball for the first time in my life with a senior women's team. We were in Albuquerque, New Mexico for a tournament. At the time I had been playing for 2 years and was very proud of that fact. As a group of us ladies were standing around talking, I interjected that I started playing for the first time when I turned 50. One of the ladies from one of the Albuquerque teams said, 'I have been playing for 4 years, and I started when I turned 80.' Needless to say, I was floored, but very inspired! As a point of reference, we played half-court. I went on to earn several gold and silver medals in the Senior Olympics and World Senior Games. I met wonderful people from all ethnicities and walks of life.
Yes...even as I become 'more so' I am enjoying my life more so!
Start Your Mulling
Dick, I'm delighted that your readers appreciate the concept of midlife re-evaluation as a much more positive opportunity, "Start your Mulling" as you so nicely put it. This idea is so in time with all we are seeing now with Boomers, Encore Careers and such. Of course, with each new season of "mulling" - an autumn occurrence - so to speak, we have the opportunity to continue becoming more of who we are and to adjust. We know that as we age we have the opportunity to become better, better at adjusting, better at coping, better at learning what types of elders we want to be. As you state, much of our aging is up to us.