By Lori Martinek
5/4/21
Millions of Americans are finding themselves on their own as they head toward retirement. Some are suddenly single again, others have lived and loved a solo life for many years. Like you solo Coming of Agers, each of these solo agers is wondering the same thing: What can I do to make sure that I remain (or become) happy, healthy, socially engaged and independent as I grow older?
Everyone ages, some better than others. Some factors are out of our control, but there are many things that we can influence, including creating community, connection, healthy habits and happiness.
Create a Sense of Community
If you haven’t already done so, find your tribe – those people who you feel naturally at ease with. You get them. They get you. It just feels right. These are the people who will celebrate with you and will also help you get through tough times.
We all need people nearby to offer advice or support, provide social interaction, get us out of the house and push us to try new things. We also like to know that we have someone we can call on in a crisis or a medical emergency or when we need a ride or a shoulder to cry on. People who have meaningful connections and relationships in their lives also tend to be more active and are often healthier.
A strong social network also relieves stress and can help us recover from illness faster. Quality is far more important than quantity. I would much rather have one or two really close friends than a roomful of acquaintances. Wouldn’t you?
Feel Connected and Cared For
There is strength in numbers when it comes to living solo. No one wants to feel alone. We need to know that someone will be available when we need them, whether for a friendly chat or to lend a helping hand.
This becomes even more important as we get older. We need to consider where and how we will live, how we will make sure that we have a support system in place for an emergency and how we will stay engaged with the world around us. We need a plan that will help maintain our quality of life, create community, protect our health and preserve our independence.
The idea of living with others in some sort of shared housing arrangement becomes more appealing to me with each year – not just for its social aspects, but also for the peace of mind that would come from knowing that others would be nearby to help in the event of a medical emergency or illness (as I would also be for them).
Think about the many ways that you can create a support circle in your life. Seek out other solos who are looking for the same sense of connection. Community is good for mind, body and spirt. It keeps us happy, engaged and active. Ageing alone, without some sense of connectedness in our lives, does not.
Live Healthier, Not Just Longer
I believe in living healthier, not just longer. ‘Thrive, don’t just survive’ is my motto. I became committed to better health when I turned 50 (more than a dozen years ago). I ate better, exercised more, became an avid hiker and started playing pickle ball. I have never felt healthier.
Yet these questions still worry me: Will my health hold out? Who will take care of me if I do get sick? Can I afford to get sick? (Can anyone afford to get sick?)
The best strategy for anyone is to get – and stay – as healthy as possible, starting today. Create positive change in your lifestyle and eating habits. Get outside more often. Walk as much as possible. Eat healthier. And add a helping of community to your mission. Find someone with similar goals and start down the road to better health together. Staying healthy and active is the best way to remain independent as we get older.
Find Happiness in Everything
Choose to be happy. Even the worst day usually offers a ray of sunshine somewhere. Find it. That’s not always as easy as it sounds, I know, but we each have the power to choose how we will react to whatever life brings our way.
Living a full and happy life as we grow older is about choices. It is about choosing whether to continue working and, if so, for how long. It is about choosing to create the support circle that we all need. It is about choosing to protect our health, so that we don’t have to fight to regain it.
If you are already solo, you know this, you’ve thought about it and you’ve hopefully started to create a plan. If you are still partnered, you need to start thinking about the very real possibility that you will be solo again in the future and begin planning for that time.
In my book, Retiring Solo, I discuss different strategies that can help you plan for a happy, healthy and independent future that is built on community and connectedness and helps you look forward to the coming years with excitement. Read it with a friend or use it to find a new one.
Lori Martinek is an ‘unretired’ solo and an entrepreneur, author and mentor to new and aspiring business owners. She is the founder of @MindingHerBiz, a pro bono project which helps women embrace business ownership. Her book, Retiring Solo is available on Amazon. You can connect with Lori @RetiringSolo on Facebook or @RetiringSolo on Twitter. You can also connect with her on LinkedIn.